Thursday, July 28, 2011

Travelogue, Part II

My, my, what an eventful weekend I had. Did you know, my dears, that the human body can continue to twitch for some time after death? Needless to say, this only made my night with my dear dead host all the more exciting. I'll leave the details up to your imaginations, my dears, as a true lady never kisses and tells. Anyhow, I left my hosts the next morning, after showering once more and thanking them for their hospitality by giving them a Viking funeral of sorts. The fire crackled beautifully as it smouldered inside my host's chest cavity, the smell of charring fat filling the living room. I had to smile and grab a bit to snack on as I went out to fire up my motorcycle. The final ironically enjoyable stamp on my day was when I passed the police and fire brigade on my way out of the town. They had no idea anything was amiss, and that somehow made the whole experience more delicious.

Anyhow, after a few hours of riding I found myself in Maryland. I must say, it's beautiful territory, despite being infernally hot. I decided to visit this nation's capital (having never been), and that's where I am now. I'm considering paying a visit to Congress tomorrow. Perhaps a little negative incentivising will help them to resolve this ridiculous deadlock they seem to be in. Also, dears, has anyone noticed how the Pentagon seems to be shaped like a massive rectum? Given the Washington Monument's unabashedly phallic nature, this may indicate something about your dear Founding Fathers. Bum pirates, the lot of them. Does anyone have any suggestions for things to do while I'm here? The more outrageous or offensive they are, the more likely I am to do them. I'll be here until Saturday morning, so there's plenty of time. I'm also working on a little project, details to follow when it's slightly more fleshed-out and Father gives his approval to the venture.

Ta-ta for now, my dears.

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